Childless Not By Choice (est. 2002)

[missedmine]

Last Christmas, my brother -- and youngest sibling, decided autocratically that there would be no gift exchange between us four siblings. Although he told my two sisters that they wouldn't need to give gifts to his children -- then 21 and 24 -- he informed me that they were to receive gifts from me. So I gave them presents last year.

In September, 2008, Mom was finally diagnosed with dementia, although that probably couldn't have been done as soon as four years earlier. I talk to Mom, who is past 82, every day on the telephone. I am the only one of the four children who does not own a vehicle and so I have a hard time getting to see her. She lives in a small town 16 miles away from the nearest train station and I must arrange a car ride down there both ways whenever I go for a visit.

My three siblings have very little to do with Mom. My brother lives in the same city as I, about 120 miles from Mom. One sister is about 75 miles farther away and the other is about 240 miles from Mom.

My brother and his son have allergies to cats and since I have two, I cannot host Christmas at my place. Our family Christmas is usually at his house as that is about half way between Mom and my farthest sister and is the most central venue. Also, he has a wife who can prepare the meal with his help. Both of my sisters have never married but both have homes.

This year, there has been no discussion at all about celebrating Christmas with our family. Dad died four years ago and I am very sad and disappointed that Mom will not be with her family at all, even if a few days after the 25th. As she is still alive, I feel that we should be gathering to celebrate. I knew when Dad died that I would probably lose all contact from my siblings eventually.

The local buses should be running again by Saturday when I have a train ticket to go to spend a week with Mom. I return on the 26th. For that whole week, we have only one activity planned outside of her home and that is to usher at Fisher Theatre, Detroit, Michigan, for the performance of 'The Jersey Boys'. We will spend a great deal of time together with her knitting or crocheting, and me crocheting or tatting.

Mom may not physically be with us much longer and I do not know how much she is with us mentally now or will be in the future. I feel that we should be spending time with her, especially at Christmas and at the big holidays. My siblings don't seem to see things the way I do. They just see her as an old fogey who is getting in their way. (but they gladly take her money)

I am frustrated.

[AdminDiane]

I truly understand your frustration. Does it not "seem" as though we CNBC'ers yearn more for our family than do those with kids? Well, maybe that is not always true with all families, but I know for me I am a bit more sensitive to this.

And, it also seems that guys, in general, find it very difficult to see their mothers "not there" any longer. But perhaps I am just speculating here.

I think your brother has nerve to ask YOU for gifts for his kids and not everyone else. Geesh! Ya know.....I have a theory.......if I want to give a gift, I will. If I either cannot or do not feel the "leading" to give, I don't. Period.

People get so funny 'round this time of year. This is why I'd like to hibernate until De 26. But since I cannot, I put all my energies into my passion.......my business.

MM......I feel for you. Have your own Christmas which is whatever makes YOU happy...forget about everyone else!
_________________
CNBC Co-founder with Kimberly
Have never been pregnant.
TAH - 2/14/94
Married 13+ years
Five lovable, furry canines kids: Aussie family: Farmer, Munchie, Sally Jean Autry, Dodge; one Blue Heeler, Cocoa Socks

One feline fuzz-ball Kitty Boy
Friend, Daughter, Wife, Sister, Aunt, Step-Mom, -MIL, -Grandmother.


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